Thursday, June 5, 2008

Age 27

I was sitting on the couch when my mother came in for some “small talk.” She told me I should lose weight. She told me I didn’t look good. That was 13 years ago, although it feels like just yesterday. I can still feel the tears streaming down my face. I just sat there as she spoke those words…and after she left the room, I silently cried. I didn’t speak up. I didn’t question her warped perception of beauty. I just sat there…wishing I could disappear. At the time, I was a healthy, average-sized teenage girl. I was happy.

I have been tormented ever since – consumed by thoughts of food and weight…and trying to be perfect. Wanting to be loved.

I still wish I could disappear.