Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Age 19

I'm 19 years old. I live in this weird fluctuation of loving the way I look and hating it, and I don't know why. Sometimes I think I have a great hourglass figure, and feel like a million bucks. Other times, like today, I feel like my stomach and thighs and hips are monstrous, and would tear ten pounds of fat off my body if I could. I constantly compare myself to other girls, trying to find things about them that aren't as good as mine, and then woefully deciding that I'm just looking for excuses to cover how much I really don't like my body. The scale says I'm healthy - 5'4" and 125 pounds - but I just can't bring myself to be content with my body most of the time. I usually strut my stuff with non-existent confidence so that what I feel like I lack in the shape department can be replaced with self-assuredness. I get compliments on my smile, hair or eyes, but I feel like I'm never noticed for having a nice body, and therefore tend to think it's not so great. At least I know in my head that I'm healthy, really, and need to learn to appreciate that.