Saturday, August 28, 2010

Age 17

Dear Body,
What I see when I look at you in the mirror varies greatly.  Most days negativity overpowers any morsel of acceptance that I have for you.  I see fat some days, while others I am able to decipher the slightest hint of beauty - a healthy body that has come a long way from its days wasted on an eating disorder.  But ultimately the image that I see every time I look at you in the mirror is an image that is not good enough.
My eyes have grown to become critical, enabling you to be subjected to unwarranted scrutiny.  It is as though you are modeling clay. Perhaps with these negative thoughts I will begin to transform you into a body that is good enough.  A so-called perfect body.  My legs will become impossibly long and lean, my slightly convex stomach flat as a board and oh, what the heck, I will grow a few inches and then make my boobs a bit bigger.
Whose body is this?  It is not you and will never be.  The sad part is, this description resembles a mannequin - an image that I feel has been shoved down my throat leaving me to wonder why am I not the same. When it comes down to it, you are my home.  You should be respected and recognized for your amazing existence.  Body, I know that an apology is in order.  I am sorry for abusing, belittling and loathing you.     
With that, I acknowledge that today is a new day; it is a day to break free of all body negativities that berate me.  Lets face it, if I don’t come to terms with my body sooner than later, when will I?