Thursday, April 3, 2008

Age 15

Now is the only time in my life I have been called beautiful, and it’s only because I am starving myself. I have always been fat, but last year I have started to not eat. I hide my food and wait for a good time to throw it all away. I act sick so I don't have to go near food when I'm at home. And the people in my life are praising me about how pretty I look now that I have a slimmer waist and hollow cheeks. People are encouraging me and I know I cannot stop. My friends are not fat and most of my parent’s friends are not fat, only my close family is. So I am a fat ass. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I catch a glimpse of a slim pretty girl, but then I'm overwhelmed by my huge fat thighs and rolled fat belly. I poke and prod my fat leavening purple-green bruises and dark red lines of blood. I never mean to hurt myself; I just wanted to show myself how I should look and feel. I can no longer see me as me, I only see what I think is me. I’m scared for my health.