I've often wondered what it would be like not to have any fat on my body. I wonder what these muscles could do without the weight of the fat I carry, how far I could run without getting out of breath, how high I could jump. I wouldn't want such a change ever to be permanent, though. I know that the muscles I have are just what I need for carrying every ounce of me.
I think I started to be less ashamed of my body when I dropped my long hair and got my gigantic mohawk. Suddenly everyone around was complimenting me. They said things like, we love your hair, it looks like the sun. I felt powerful with my hair spiked out to look like it could kill someone. The mohawk is long gone but the feeling of confidence in being visible is still there.
And I love my body. I really do. I walk around in my apartment naked and whenever I see myself in the bathroom mirror I smile and look at how long my armpit hair is getting. Sometimes I feel like a five-year-old, sitting in the bathtub poking at my belly and thinking of how it's like a flotation device. I'll never drown.
And I love my body when I am bicycling down the road and the cars are passing me and there is a fresh breeze in my face. I love my heart and the way it pounds when I try to go as fast as I can. I love the slight pain that gathers in my legs when I strain to pedal faster. It makes me feel strong and alive.