I think I’m beautiful. My hair is thin and dry. My skin sags all over: on my face, where it also causes huge creases and wrinkles, my upper arms, where my empty skin falls down over my elbows, my stomach, my thighs. My ribs and my hipbones jut proudly out from my skin; my cheekbones bring a cadaverous aspect to my face. At night I cannot sleep on my side with my legs together as my knees and my ankles grind into each other. I can’t see my butt, except with a mirror, and then I see that the loss of flesh in my buttocks completely reveals my anus to sight.
I think I’m beautiful. My heart palpitates and I get chest pains, my skin is turning orange, and my brain can no longer concentrate or remember. My electrolytes are unbalanced and my bones are thinning. I no longer shiver in response to cold, leaving me with grindingly cold hands and feet that only warm up with a hot water bottle.
I think I’m beautiful. I am the poster child for weight loss and fitness at my gym, where I define “frenetic”: jumping and running and lifting again and again and again. I stand in front of the mirrors to make sure I still have a gap between my legs that starts at my crotch and ends at my feet; sometimes at night I run my hands down between my legs just to make sure I didn’t gain a bunch of weight that day. Sometimes I look over at another woman and wish that “I was skinny like she is.”
I think I’m beautiful. Some people tell me how great it is that I lost weight or that I look great now that I lost weight. Are they nuts? Some people I know walk right by without recognizing me; if I bother to call them I tell them it is because I let my hair go curly. One person asked if I had HIV/AIDS, another told me I look “delicious.”
I think I’m beautiful. I live my days trapped in my house by fear of food, fear of letting my guard down and eating. I am trapped by the weather as my poor skinny body cannot respond to cold. I am trapped by my isolation from the world. I am afraid of dying and afraid of healing.
I think I’m beautiful. What do you think?
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The Question
Want To Share?
The Body Image Project is an online project searching for women and girls of all ages to share their individual experiences and feelings about their own body image perceptions. The goal of the project is to have women and girls take the brave step of sharing their story, break the hold these perceptions have and ultimately reveal to those who share and those who read the thoughts of others – you are not alone. It is a rare opportunity to share without fear of judgment - share in a healthy manner. We ask that individuals include their age so the reader witnesses the wide-range of ages and the wide-range of issues women and girls are facing (often silently).
Share your story. Keep it short and simple - the impact will be huge.
To share your story, simply email your words to bodyprojectsubmission@gmail.com.
Share your story. Keep it short and simple - the impact will be huge.
To share your story, simply email your words to bodyprojectsubmission@gmail.com.
Background
Body image dissatisfaction is a growing epidemic in our society. Women, teenagers – and now young girls – have become obsessed with obtaining the “perfect body” which can lead to an unimaginable sense of self-loathing. Society targets women with constant attacks on their bodies creating a false belief that our value – our worth – is based on appearance alone. We have become enslaved to the beauty myth and to our unwavering attempt to fit in, skewing the mental picture we have of ourselves.
The Body Image Project simply asks “when you look in the mirror, what do you see?” Do you embrace your physical appearance, or yearn for change? Do you accept your physical differences or take extreme measures in an attempt to change your body? How far are you willing to go to feel better about yourself? Are you happy?
Be honest. Be open. Express yourself without fear of judgment.
Through your words and shared thoughts, The Body Image Project will take an unflinching look at how women and girls perceive their bodies, allow individuals an opportunity to reveal their perceptions of their own self-image and explain how far some are willing to go to fit in.
The Body Image Project simply asks “when you look in the mirror, what do you see?” Do you embrace your physical appearance, or yearn for change? Do you accept your physical differences or take extreme measures in an attempt to change your body? How far are you willing to go to feel better about yourself? Are you happy?
Be honest. Be open. Express yourself without fear of judgment.
Through your words and shared thoughts, The Body Image Project will take an unflinching look at how women and girls perceive their bodies, allow individuals an opportunity to reveal their perceptions of their own self-image and explain how far some are willing to go to fit in.
Privacy Policy
The Body Image Project (http://www.thebodyimageproject.blogspot.com/) does not collect names and/or addresses. All posts to this site are anonymous and include age only. If you share your story via email, your email address will not be shared or posted. All text/image posts are considered public, equivalent to "Letters To the Editor," and will be considered publishable.