I wish I could just LET IT GO.
The numbers, the calories, the weight, the all consuming time I spend thinking about it. After a 6 month stint in hospital two years ago I consider myself a recovering anorexic. I'm now able to maintain a decent enough weight to have a life of some-sort. But still, it’s always there. The numbers, the food, the calories, the binging, the purging, the starving. Granted not so much, but any amount is too much. I want it gone properly. I want to be able to let go completely. To just NOT CARE. But I can't. I'm too vain. Too self obsessed. Too proud.
And much, much too scared.
Without all this I've got no barrier. No option to dip out of real life.