Friday, March 21, 2008

Age 23

I wish there were someone I could ask, who I trusted to give me an honest answer, whether I look "normal" or "fat." I know better than to truly trust myself on that subject - after several years of struggling with disordered eating, I've finally reached the point where my eating patterns are mostly healthy and my weight is stable (at a place my body seems to like). But I look in the mirror and see myself as no smaller than I was 30 pounds ago. That can't be right. But there are few people I'd even want to tell that much about my body image issues to, and anyone who I would tell, I would also expect to say "normal" even if they don't mean it, just to make me feel better. Even if my current size is considered "fat," I wouldn't try to change it right now. If the point where my body and mind are healthy is "fat," so be it. But when someone talks about fat people, am I one of the people they're talking about? I'd just like to know.