I never had a body image problem growing up. I was a runner and a year-round soccer player. My mother cooked balanced, healthy meals that included a salad, vegetable, meat and a starch. I drank (and still do) skim milk and water. I don't like soda much at all. Never did. I do like the occasional alcoholic beverage. I do like some sweets now and again. The point is, is that I was a healthy teenager and 20-something, which has carried on into my adult life.
When I reached my mid-30's, I gained 30 pounds within a year. I've always been an athlete and worked out at the gym 6 days per week, until I met and married my husband. Circumstances were such that I stopped going to the gym and began working 10-12 hour days. My eating habits changed to match that of my now husband, but they still weren't terrible. However, without the workouts, I gained and gained until I hit 30 pounds extra. Then, I hit depression and self-hatred. I almost didn't fit into my wedding dress. Can you imagine the horror I felt when trying to squeeze into it? I kept my veil on the entire night to hide my bulging back and thick arms. THIS is what I remember from my wedding...
Three years later, I am still struggling to lose the 30 pounds I've gained; it's beginning to creep up to 40 pounds extra now. I work out at the gym 5-6 times per week and do watch what I eat. I started running last fall for another 1/2 marathon, but once I reached 8 miles I began to have knee problems and had to drop out of training (I blame this on my extra weight). Which, by the way, I never lost a single pound in all my running and I was weightlifting and bicycling as well. I was and still am under the care of a physician and a personal trainer (I have had one for 3 years now).
I'm obsessed with losing this extra weight. It consumes me and I don't want it to. I know it's very petty of me. I think it's even more strange that I never cared about weight until now, but in thinking it over it's most likely due to the fact that I'd never before had a problem. Why can't I just be happy with the way that I am? My physician husband thinks I just have this in my gene pool (my maternal grandfather was obese and died of a heart attack; my maternal aunt is obese; my mother is obese, even though she has lost substantial weight with working out over the last few years; and my younger sister was "mildly" obese as the doctor told her. She has since lost around 60 pounds through diet and working out. She looks fantastic even though she feels she has more to lose). There could be truth in what my husband says, but I don't want to place blame. I just feel the need to lose the extra weight. I want to fit into normal sized clothes and feel good about myself once more. My husband tells me I'm beautiful and I believe him, but only until I look into a mirror. He loves me, I know this. I am 5' 9" weigh 186 pounds and wear a size 14. I want to feel happy with these statistics. With who I am. Who I've become.
I am not.
I hate my body. I don't want to do so for the rest of my life. I am destroying what little I have left of my own inner spirit.
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The Question
Want To Share?
The Body Image Project is an online project searching for women and girls of all ages to share their individual experiences and feelings about their own body image perceptions. The goal of the project is to have women and girls take the brave step of sharing their story, break the hold these perceptions have and ultimately reveal to those who share and those who read the thoughts of others – you are not alone. It is a rare opportunity to share without fear of judgment - share in a healthy manner. We ask that individuals include their age so the reader witnesses the wide-range of ages and the wide-range of issues women and girls are facing (often silently).
Share your story. Keep it short and simple - the impact will be huge.
To share your story, simply email your words to bodyprojectsubmission@gmail.com.
Share your story. Keep it short and simple - the impact will be huge.
To share your story, simply email your words to bodyprojectsubmission@gmail.com.
Background
Body image dissatisfaction is a growing epidemic in our society. Women, teenagers – and now young girls – have become obsessed with obtaining the “perfect body” which can lead to an unimaginable sense of self-loathing. Society targets women with constant attacks on their bodies creating a false belief that our value – our worth – is based on appearance alone. We have become enslaved to the beauty myth and to our unwavering attempt to fit in, skewing the mental picture we have of ourselves.
The Body Image Project simply asks “when you look in the mirror, what do you see?” Do you embrace your physical appearance, or yearn for change? Do you accept your physical differences or take extreme measures in an attempt to change your body? How far are you willing to go to feel better about yourself? Are you happy?
Be honest. Be open. Express yourself without fear of judgment.
Through your words and shared thoughts, The Body Image Project will take an unflinching look at how women and girls perceive their bodies, allow individuals an opportunity to reveal their perceptions of their own self-image and explain how far some are willing to go to fit in.
The Body Image Project simply asks “when you look in the mirror, what do you see?” Do you embrace your physical appearance, or yearn for change? Do you accept your physical differences or take extreme measures in an attempt to change your body? How far are you willing to go to feel better about yourself? Are you happy?
Be honest. Be open. Express yourself without fear of judgment.
Through your words and shared thoughts, The Body Image Project will take an unflinching look at how women and girls perceive their bodies, allow individuals an opportunity to reveal their perceptions of their own self-image and explain how far some are willing to go to fit in.
Privacy Policy
The Body Image Project (http://www.thebodyimageproject.blogspot.com/) does not collect names and/or addresses. All posts to this site are anonymous and include age only. If you share your story via email, your email address will not be shared or posted. All text/image posts are considered public, equivalent to "Letters To the Editor," and will be considered publishable.