Thursday, March 27, 2008

Age 20

I was a tiny, yet muscular and strong tennis player until I developed an eating disorder my junior year. I dropped below 90 pounds. By the time I went to college, I had mostly recovered. Now I run and workout a lot, but it never seems enough. I'm almost as strong as when I played tennis again, but now I worry that my arms and legs are to muscular, I don't look "tiny." I shouldn't feel that way. I should be proud of my hard earned muscles, of my strength. I'm not a size 0 but I can run mile after mile without getting tired and do push ups. Those are the things I should be proud of. But a little voice in my head believes men don't like it when you have muscles. It's absurd that I should base the value of my body on what men will like. I am trying to learn that the only person that matters in loving my body is me - but I, like many other women, struggle every day with this.