Monday, March 24, 2008

Age 24

Half of the time I feel like there's nothing wrong with the way I look, that it shouldn't matter how overweight I am, as long as I can still keep up. The rest of the time I feel disgusting and looked down upon. As if, to even some of my friends, I matter less because they find me less attractive. I try to focus on the good things: my boyfriend that finds me irresistibly attractive, the friends that hold me in the highest regard. Sometimes that just isn't enough, though...when your ass doesn't fit a seat, when you struggle to find clothing made for someone with a sense of fashion that fits, when you feel guilty for telling anyone that you're hungry, even if you haven't had anything to eat all day, because you're afraid they'll equate it to being fat and always hungry. It doesn't matter how many times I'm told that I look fine, or they don't think of me as "fat," or I'm beautiful...deep down, I usually never feel that way.

I hope that going to a weight management support group, a nutritionist, and starting some sort of workout routine, or at the least leading a more active lifestyle, will help me feel differently. I don't think I'm ugly, at least not my face, but my body makes me forget, society makes me forget, that I'm just fine.